What the apology mean't to me con't,
By the end of the meeting there did not seem to be a dry eye around me. Each adoptee had a voice in expressing how repugnant it was that our government should denie and conceal the truth, 'that many adoptees suffered at the hands of their adopters' and 'that they are still suffering now and deserve an apology for past wrongs'. We were told that any apology for those who suffered abuse will most likely come from the speeches, but never from the official apology it's self...We left with very mixed feelings, and saddened that our fight had failed on one of the most crucial points.
I lay pretty low for a few days, contemplating what I needed to do. As an adoptee who had been terribly abused and a leader to the cause, I felt I needed to find away to make the most of what we had been handed and still give hope to other adoptees. I reflected over the past 23 years or so of lobbying and how scared I was then to even mention publicly that I had suffered in such a way at the hand of my adopters. For adoptee's to speak up as we have the past few years, has been amazing. I had only gone public with the whole truth of my childhood only a few years before, in 2008, prior to that no adoptee had done so here in Australia, that I know of, it was unheard of. Adoptees never betray their adopters.
When I realized that we were left out of the 'Children in Care Inquiry' I became angry, why was no one intereseted in knowing about the abuses to adoptees? Foster care demands that those potential foster parents are screened thorougly and each child is monitored and checked upon. Each foster parent must have referrences to their good character etc and yet there were children placed in their care who were abused, as reported by the Inquiry. When it comes to adoption, at least 250,000 children in Australia were given to couples who had little or no screening process and no follow up. In essence you could take a child and never be heard of again. How much more would children be more likely to becomes victims of abuse, under these circumstances and yet our government deems it unnecessary to apologise to such victims of forced adoption.
I found it ironic that my younger adopted sister being aboriginal was given a formal apology by our government, as one of the Stolen Generation, for being taken and abused by the same people I was. This is because she was fostered for 16 years of her life. The same abuses, the same traumas, same suffering, same losses, by the same people, but because I am white and never was fostered then I am denied the same type of apology. It seemed to make no sense as to why the government should denie another group of people the same thing, for the same type of abuses suffered, did it really boil down to fostering and the colour of my skin?
In understanding the wheels of adoption you have to understand the history and at some stage I will cover it all here on this web site, but for now I will keep it very brief. After the second world war there were a large number of citizens unable to have children and during the 60's there grew the Love, Peace, no war movement. When these two things happen around the same time we tend to have a supply and demand process. Couples demanded babies, and vulnerable single mothers became the supply. (Please note the word vulnerable). Adoption became a profitable business, relying on good old eugenics, where only the best baby will do. The supply became so great at one stage that many babies destined for adoption ended up in an institution instead. Demand slowed to almost a stop when the single mothers pension was introduced to the Australian public. By the year 2000 only about 38 babies a year were adopted against the thousands in previous years.
Adoption it seems was never going to be buried, only the truth of the harm it causes. The reason that we never got the apology we deserved was the continued demand to keep the wheels of adoption turning. And to do that, was to never expose the wrongs done to the child by adoption. For our government to apologise to all the adoptees taken and abused would be to expose one of the biggest mistakes this country has ever made and stills wants to make. Rather than support single mothers to raise their children in a happy, healthy biological home they would rather choose to support a system that is harmful and flawed. It seems if you are married and childless with position and money you can do a lot of demanding that gets results. In the ear of the Australian government was the 'Adoption Privacy Group' who demanded that no such apology should occur. This group is made up of some very wealthy and powerful adopters who fought against having other adopters who were cruel and abusive exposed. Instead they demanded to have the whole thing ignored and covered up.They believed that by apologising to adoptees who had been abused was a slight against ALL of them, when this is not true. Just as, not all priests nor foster parents abuse the children in their care, neither do ALL adoptive parents abuse the children in their care. We did have an inquiries into re-Forgotten Australians and Kids in Care we are currently having the Royal Commission into Child Sexual Abuse.. We have some good priests speaking out, demanding that the church be cleaned up, in which should happen in every church. Why would adopters who say they love their adopted child not want the rotten parts o adoptions exposed, why would they want to deny the truth to be told..why would they not want to support victims of abuse a voice? It seems that the voice against speaking up against abuse in adoption is so strong that we are even denied a voice in the Royal Commission into Child Sexual abuse. Yes you heard me right, no adoptee is allowed to present to the Royal Commission of sexual abuse against them by adopters..WHY NOT! Why are adoptees constantly being denied a voice and justice.?
I decided that I would accept the apology, warts and all. At least I thought that this could be a stepping stone to some of the truth of adoptees being revealed. I was not going to walk away beaten, nor feeling that nothing had been accomplished. By accepting it and staying a part of the process I was allowing myself to begin the healing process and it kept me on the road to continue the fight for other adoptees. The truth of what happened to many of us. will I believe, find the light it deserves eventually, but only if there is a light bearer. I had to stay strong and find the good in what I had been handed, for me and for others. For 50 years I have lived in pain and suffering because of my adoption and abuse. I did not want the rest of my life to be lived in the same way, I wanted to free from it's shackles, I deserved to be free and I was going to make it happen, my way.
So I decided to go back to the homes where I was raised and face the demons of my past, this was the only was I was going to move forward... Please read; 'The Jar of Sand' to be cont later; for more of this journey.
I decided that I wanted healing and if my government was not going to help me achieve it, than I was going to achieve it for myself. I decided not to rely on the apology to give me ALL, that I had hoped for but for it to be a catalyst for healing, It was a beginning. After all these years at least they were acknowledging the pain, suffering, loss and trauma we experienced. Adoption trauma was now being spoken of, publicly; it was no longer a secret. We had not failed; we had opened doors once shut so tight they seem to never be opened, we needed to celebrate the victories, not lament our defeats, and spend the rest of our life the way it had begun as victims; we were now survivors..it was time for change.
On that day of the apology I took my 'Jar of Sand' with my children by my side. My heart pounded as to my surprise the Prime Minister, Julie Gillard, apologised to adoptees who had been sexually abused by their adoptive fathers. This cannot be found in the apology it's self, but I know for sure that after she heard first hand the stories of adoptees, she could be nothing but moved to speak from the heart. Though there are many things missing from the apology that I would have liked spoken of openly, and apologised for, I can see reading between the lines, that the government knows what we lived through. It leaves me wondering if they too like us, are living in fear of speaking the truth as we once did and all it needs is time and the right person in leadership to take the torch and hold it high.
